Update - Rheum with a view, depression addition

Hello again!

So over the past few days, I have been writing a post ready to get up, this isn't it. Its been a while since I've posted, and this is why.

I've been sick over the last 2 weeks - Picked up the flu, a nice sinus infection, beginnings of a chest infection, thrush and about 10 more layers of exhaustion. I thought I was getting better over the weekend , and went and got my hair done. It turns out I was wrong, and I live with regrets :p. I'm still fighting with the side effects from the Taltz, so fatigue is not a word that covers how I've been feeling, and my bed has been my home over the last week especially. I spent too much time out in the cold, and I am physically paying for it now, which is disappointing.

I've been in a bit of a hole mentally over the last month or so, and I'm not yet sure if the timing is coincidental with the start of my Taltz treatment, or brought on a bit by it. Either way, last night it came to a head with thanks to some other stuff happening in my personal life and I had a bit of a fall apart and ugly cry breakdown.

I suffer with depression, as a lot of us do, and while most times, I can deal with it reasonably level headed and ok, occasionally things get on top of me and I'll spend a few weeks moping and trying hard to bottle it and keep to myself, but sooner or later something happens to set me off. Last night was exacerbated by the fact that tomorrow aka today, I would be meeting with a new Rheumatologist, and I was stressed. I was feeling the weather when I sat in the waiting room today, and wondered if they would mind if I just sat up there on days I didn't want to bump into people..

Its been about 6 years since I've had to see one thanks to Humira, and I never enjoy it. They always want to jab me with things, poke, prod, bend, stretch and otherwise cause pain and discomfort. Today was no exception.

Because it had been so long, I was booked with a resident, to get up to date before I see the dept head. They went through the tests: Bend this way, bend that way, can you bend like this? What if I bend it? Oh, that makes a big crunch doesn't it?! You feel quite warm? All your joints feel hot! You look tired. how old are you? Oh, you poor thing - sympathetic eyes.

Xrays are ordered to update my file, especially my shoulder. The result of my MRI on my jaw are in, and they didn't look great, I saw flattened, fractured and irregular written within the report. I clearly jinxed myself in my last post, because then came the steroid shots, and a prescription for Prednisolone. I was sent on my way with an order to re-appear in 2 weeks, a referral for the spinal clinic, rehab, and physio to get some movement back. All things considered, it wasn't that bad, aside from the needles in my shoulder. She stepped out to speak to someone and I heard mention of ankylosing arthritis when referring to my jaw so I think my next TMJ specialist appointment is going to be a disappointing and upsetting one.

My referral to the spinal clinic stems I think from being asked to bend over to visually asses my spine, and then the rush to get my hip measurements. Something is going hinky in my spine - there seems to be a bend where most of my pain is. That's also pretty nerve wracking. She didn't go into the details too much as I was already pretty upset, and she looked completely uncomfortable with my reactions to her assessments as she went. I had noticed it prior to the appointment after my regular masseuse pointed out how out of balance my hips had become over time, and then showed my my spine while I was laying flat. you can see the difference in my hip heights and spine kink in the picture. I get the feeling its going to be going down hill rather fast, And i'm pretty damn mad about it.  

So all in all, I'm feeling pretty low at the moment. Things in my personal life have been throwing me curve balls, my body seems to want to attack from all angles, as does everything else it feels. I'm still trying to resurface from under the thick black veil that is depression, and I will eventually.

Do you have any pick-me-ups that you use when you feel down? I'd love to hear them! I've about had enough of this funk!!

Thanks so much for reading! Hope to see you back on the next post!

Millz
xx